To those who’ve discovered an object in an orifice decades after it was lost, this story’s for you.
Mary McCarthy may have seemed like your average gal.
But the 45-year-old New Zealander had at least one quirk: Frequently, she suffered from pain on the right side of her nose.
Over the years, she adjusted.
Life went on, until last October.
Following a COVID test, the pain grew worse.
As stated by NZ outlet Stuff, “Her nasal problems deteriorated.”
That led to a doozy of a discovery.
But first, a hint of history.
As a child, Mary played games with her seven siblings.
The kid really had her own style.
Here’s how you take a game from the 1860’s and make it your own:
She said she remembered playing tiddlywinks…and as an 8-year-old took the game on a tangent by putting one piece up each nostril and “blowing them out to see how they would go.”
Hopefully, she didn’t aim at her brothers and sisters — the potential for shrapnel could mean more than a wink and a smile.
One day, something curious occurred:
“[I] accidentally inhaled one instead of blowing it out, and I was a bit too scared to tell my mother, so I didn’t. I remember being terrified at the time, thinking, ‘Where [has it] gone?’”
“I always had difficulties breathing through my nose…but never gave it much thought,” she continued.
After the nasal swab, her “nose would be leaking constantly, and [she] was just in a lot of pain.”
Several doctors blamed the issue on a chronic sinus condition.
Hence, she “pushed it [to] the background.”
But the background can be a booger, and sometimes, the foreground must be forsaken.
Last Wednesday, terrible pain sent Mary to Christchurch Hospital’s emergency center.
She told Stuff the staff suspected she was…stuffed:
“Luckily the nurse and doctor believed it was more than sinus pain. They asked me if I had ever put anything up my nose, and I told them about the tiddlywink, sort of laughing it off.”
Fast-forward to a CT scan and an anomaly observed.
The UFO couldn’t be removed while she was conscious — it was too big.
Via an operation, it was pushed through her nose and pulled from her mouth.
As it turned out, her COVID test had dislodged the bat from its cave, causing an infection.
But now, she can say it giddily: The twiddly that had been fiddly can’t do diddly.
As you’re likely aware, an orificial oddity’s no stranger to the news.
Case in point:
Woman Arrested at Airport Was Carrying 100 Pellets of Cocaine, and Not in Her Pockets
2019 gave us “Louisiana Woman Accused of Theft Tells Cops She Has No Idea How the Meth & Money Got There – in Her Vagina.”
That same year, a 13-time felon in Washington accidentally shot himself in the testicles while walking around his apartment.
As doctors treated the wound, a bag of marijuana exited nearby.
From my writeup:
[C]helan County Sheriff’s detectives got word of the butt bag and ball blowout. Subsequently, they searched his car at the hospital and discovered methamphetamines in the pocket of a bloody pair of jeans.
Two days later, a warrant for drug possession and possession of a firearm saw him strip-searched before being jailed.
During [the search] he made number two: [The criminal] crapped out a second container of kush.
13-Time Felon Accidentally Shoots Himself in the Testicles While Carrying Drugs in His Anus – As You Do https://t.co/NUfPlyYyXR
— RedState (@RedState) May 23, 2019
Back to Mary, her nose nugget has stayed gold.
“When I woke I said, ‘What was it?’ And they said it was the laugh of the hospital — a tiddlywink, and it hadn’t even lost its color.”
— Stuff (@NZStuff) June 25, 2021
“There was calcification around it,” she explained, “and that was probably why my nose had grown a bit crooked.”
Thank goodness it’s out.
And if COVID swabs are prone to eject alien objects, here’s to hoping no one recently flying to China had a similar situation:
Chinese Checkers: Anyone Flying Into China Can Now Be Forced to Get an Anal Swab
— RedState (@RedState) March 5, 2021
See more pieces from me:
Biological Male Identifying as Woman Wins Miss Nevada
Late Night Host Vows Not to Play Food Game With Bull Penis Because of Racism
Veto, Finito: Louisiana’s Constitutional Carry Law Is Shot
Find all my RedState work here.
Thank you for reading! Please sound off in the Comments section below.